Christmas

I apologize for it taking so long to get Christmas pictures up. Cort and I came down with a nasty upper respiratory infection the Sunday after Christmas and have been sick all week. Cort ended up with an ear infection and a mild case of pneumonia as well!! We are finally slowly starting to feel better!!!

We went home to visit family for 6 days so we saw lots of people and had several Christmas get togethers. Cort enjoyed being with everyone and did great sleeping away from home!!!

We had Christmas morning at Chris' parents house. When he woke up in the morning, we bought him into bed with us and sang Happy Birthday to Jesus and read one of his Nativity books. Cort seemed a little overwhelmed by all the gift giving festivities but enjoyed his new toys.


His train set was a big hit. As was his alphabet puzzles and garbage truck!!! He loved pulling out all the little surprises inside his stocking.




Cort enjoyed Christmas lunch at GG's and Great Granddaddy's - though they may have had more to do with the cookies and little cake that GG slipped him instead of the lunch itself!!!

We had Christmas with my grandparents that night and my parents the following morning. By then, Cort had really gotten the hand of the present opening and really enjoyed ripping into the paper. As he would open each box he would say, "Oooooo, Choo, Choo." I guest the train gifts were some of his favorites!! :)




Chilling out after a long day on Christmas



Overall, Christmas was pretty good for us. It was good to see family and we had a great time with Cort. I had a really hard day Christmas Eve - not due to any happenings - just a hard day. It was strange to be doing Christmas with such a different air than we expected. As always, there is this strangeness for us to do these normal, happy things in the midst of such uncertainty and fear. We pray for it - for some normalcy - to not miss out on today - to enjoy all the blessings God has given us in the here and now - We pray for it - and God has been good to answer us at least to some extent on so many occasions - but still there is Cohen - this little boy I feel kick in my body and every time I do, I wonder if I'll ever get to know him. There is no separation from it for us and I guess that is what we're trying to figure out how to live in. I pray I can give my fears to God daily - I am not sure I am doing it but I try. But we had a good Christmas - just different from our normal expectations. Thankfully, we have a God that is unchanging. He is never different.

Lights at the Zoo

We went to the lights at the zoo the Saturday before Christmas with both sets of grandparents and with Aunt Chelle, Uncle Chad, and Chandler. Cort really enjoyed it. It was great weather and a good kick off to the Christmas festivities. One of the best parts for Cort was getting to watch a really train go by as we sat in the back of the car eating dinner before going in and that there was a real train passing when we left too!!!

Cort and Chandler enjoy shoulder rides with their Dads

With Daddy

With Mommy

Grandmommy and Granddaddy

Grammie, Papa, and Grandmommy

Pre Christmas

Chris and I have always gone home for Christmas since we got married. Before we go, we do a Christmas morning at our house and exchange gifts with one another( just Chris and I) just to have a little of our own time and tradition. This year, we did it at night and let Cort give Daddy one of his presents before we went home. Cort was really excited and proud of his gift to his Daddy. Whenever sees them he says - "Cort's painting, Cort's Painting!!! Daddy's boom, boom( drums)!! Daddy's guitar!!" Daddy proudly displays them at work.

Merry Christmas

All of our family Christmas activities and business is about to start so I probably won't be blogging until after Christmas.

Chris and I look towards Christmas with excitement and peace. We are excited to share this special time of celebration with Cort and strive and hope to teach him to grasp the real meaning of Christmas. It is easy to get wrapped up in all the festivities, family, and presents and just celebrate that. I pray our hearts and minds would be filled instead with gratitude and awe of the birth of our Savior.

We look towards this Christmas taking comfort in the hope and grace that God sent us in his Son Jesus. This Christmas season is not as we expected it to be and there are moments of sadness mixed in with joy but we take great comfort in the fact that God sent his own son to die in an unimaginable way for us. God sent his son to die. He knows what we feel and beyond. He holds us in his hands. We are loved.

I wish you all a very Merry Christmas.

A Few More Pre-Christmas Festivities

Cort has really enjoyed all the Christmas festivities this year. A few weeks ago we went to a Christmas parade downtown. Cort loved the bands and the floats. He was much more into seeing Santa from afar then from his lap!! My camera died right after we got there but I managed to snap one picture before the batteries went. Kate and Cort had a great time playing while waiting for the parade to start!


Cort and I made Cookies last week. He was really into it but only wanted to eat the sprinkles - not even the cookie!!!





We went to Roper Mountain Science Center to see the lights. We drove through three times because he liked it so much. By the third time, he would announce what was coming next. Fun times.


Chris and I went on our annual Christmas Dinner and a movie. Thanks to a gift card, we checked out High Cotton - it was yummy.
All dressed up - you don't see this often!!!

Annual Christmas tree cutting

I am finally getting around to posting about some Christmas festivities with Cort. Every year we cut a tree down. This Year we lost some perspective out there in the field and our tree is HUGE!!!! Cort really enjoyed everything surrounding the Christmas tree - cutting it down, putting it in our house, the lights, decorating, and the food. Chris and I have included in our family a tradition started in mine - a Christmas tree decorating party with just us. We have a full spread of party foods and decorate the tree. It's so much fun.

Cutting Down the Tree







A little Christmas Elf


Still Not a fan of Santa


Cort Thought it was great to have the tree inside the house!!!



The Party













The Tree

On Pause

I know I haven't written much about Cohen in a while. I think we have sort of been on pause and maybe we still are a little. Before we knew about Cohen's diagnosis we had sort of discussed a plan of finding out the gender in early Nov. but not doing too much planning until after Christmas so that we would just enjoy our last Christmas with just Cort. We've really done the same thing in a sense even with the news. We started praying immediately that in the wake of all of this that we would not miss out on Cort and his growing up. We want to enjoy Christmas with him and not look back with regrets. God has been faithful to give us the strength to walk through this so far and to find joy in things we do daily.

As we approach Christmas I find myself growing anxious and the intensity of the sadness increasing again. Christmas is such a source of joy, such a time of thankfulness, and such wonderful time of focus on God's goodness and provision. I know that these things don't change after Dec. 25 but I am fearful of the reality we will have to face when we hit the "play" button. I feel like as the new year approaches with it comes a multitude of tasks that would just be easier undone. Necessary things that we have to do - things we know will make it "easier" on us the day he is born and the time after but things that just seem so unnatural to do when you are planning for the birth of your child. I struggle sometimes with the balance of taking the necessary steps to prepare for what might come and feeling faithless in doing so. Chris and I firmly believe that God will heal Cohen if it is in His will but also feel we must act in accordance to what we know now.

We were able to "undo the pause button" this Tuesday and go in for another ultrasound with Cohen. We approached this ultrasound with a nervous excitement. I couldn't wait to see Cohen again. To see each of his little features growing and thriving in my body - to get to know him just a little bit more. I was excited for Chris to get to see him again since he doesn't have the benefit I do of constantly feeling him alive within me. We were nervous of the emotions it would bring - would it take us back to that first day we found out? On that day, even with knowing what they were looking for, we really enjoyed getting to see our son so clearly and with such a detailed extensive ultrasound. We were able to giggle at the little things he did and smile when we saw his little toes and sweet face. I prayed that this ultrasound this week would be the same. God is faithful. We enjoyed every second of seeing our sweet son. My eyes only welled up with tears of joy over the life God is currently giving him.

The ultrasound did not show any new information really but did confirm that Cohen is otherwise healthy and growing well. Two answered prayers for us were that I still do not have extra amniotic fluid with means he is still able to swallow the appropriate amount and that his head size has not increased beyond normal measurement. An increased head size is common in the dysplasia and can develop at any time. It doesn't really have any effect on what happens the day he is born but for whatever reason it's something we have been praying against so to speak. I guess it's just a desire for everything that can go "right" to do so. I want him to be as comfortable as possible now and when he is born. Another answered prayer was simply that they allowed us to have the ultrasound on DVD. This isn't typical but they were willing to do it for us. We are thrilled to have this memory of him. We are thankful and grateful for every answered prayer and for God's faithfulness and sovereignty in every little thing.
We also met with a NICU doctor to get some more info about the day of his birth - our options and medically what that day might look like to the best of his knowledge. He was very nice and very helpful. We have to write a thorough birth plan about or wishes for that day and so we are attempting to gain as much info as we can before we finalize all of that.
Chris is working on splicing a small part of the video so that I can post it. In the meantime, here are a few new pictures.

Cohen

We got to see Cohen again today and this time they were able to burn the ultrasound on DVD!! It was great to see him and things are about the same but he is looking well in all other aspects. I'll post more later - I'm going to try for tomorrow but tonight I am tired and just want to spend time with my family.

Family Time

I have just really cherished being together as a family theses past few weeks. Chris and I have always been the type to really enjoy being together but that feeling seems to be intensified now. We do even more things together then we use to - we hardly turn the TV on at night, bathe Cort together instead of one of us cleaning the kitchen during that time, and things like that. Things we did sometimes before but somehow - together just feels better right now. I like that.
It's been very hard for me recently just to swallow that our "family plan" won't be. I know that God's plans are perfect but we just so desired for Cort to have a sibling close in age to grow up with. For the 20 minutes we had of knowing Cohen was a boy but not knowing there was something terribly wrong we were so excited that Cort would have a brother just 2 years younger to grow up with. Chris didn't have a brother and neither did my brother - it was a dynamic we were really excited to give to Cort. It's hard for me to know that I will probably have to let go of that.

Here's a few pics of fun together time with Cort.

At the park across the street

Playing in the leaves - a current fav. of Cort's

trash truck

This is what we do every Monday Morning. We start in Cot's bedroom, run to the front door, and then to the kitchen window. Gotta follow that truck for as long as we can!!!