White snow

It snowed last week and Cort has just now stopped asking for more white snow.

This was really the first time he had ever seen snow - it snowed once last year but it was really slushy and we didn't really play in it.
He was very excited to see it when we got up in the morning. He kept saying, " See white snow" " Cort see white snow" and then I think it sparked his first 5 word sentence( he phrased it as more of a question... " Mommy see white snow too?"

The roads weren't too bad so Daddy had to go to work but we bundled up before he left and ventured out. He didn't want to get down in at first but once he did he didn't want to stop. He loved marching in the snow and there were little footprints all over the yard. He didn't really care to touch it though. He also didn't want his gloves on until he got out in it and realized how cold it was. He then gladly let me put them on and left them on.



We played in it later that afternoon too and he liked it even more. He was very into all the snowmen everyone built around the neighborhood and since the snowmen hung around for a few days, every time we drove in the car he would ask to see snowmen.



* side note - the stomach bug ran through our house this week but thankfully it was like a 12-24 hour type bug and we survived it without too much trouble!!! We each only got sick one time so it was pretty manageable. I was really thankful for that because so many people we knew had it last for days or had it so badly they had to go to the hospital for dehydration so i was really afraid of getting it!!!

Update on Cohen

We haven't been good about posting pictures and this one didn't turn out very well but this is Cohen and me at 30 weeks.

Last week was sort of a week of ups and downs. We had two doctors appts. this week - one with the specialist and one with my OB. The specialist appointment went well as far as us getting to discuss some of our concerns and questions. We had been feeling a little disappointed in the medical treatment we were getting - not in quality or anything like that but the feeling a bit just that because medically his condition is considered "no hope" that we weren't able to receive the monitoring for him that we would prefer or that would be given to a baby who they considered to have a chance for a more extended survival. Our goal is to get to the day of his birth and to at least hold or see him alive for a brief time. We are only receiving ultrasounds every 5 weeks or so and just were starting to feel like we couldn't make informed decisions about the delivery that way. We were able to discuss some of this with the specialist and to talk through some things we were concerned about. We did find out that what we were suspecting about the lack of monitoring was a bit true especially because of insurance. We were able to express that we weren't comfortable with that and it was decided to sort of discuss this with our regular OB and then reconvene.
The ultrasound on that day was very disheartening for us - he was not in a good position so we were not able to see him very well and we also found out that one of his arms is fractured. I am so fearful of what kind of pain he is in. Not really being able to see him and seeing his little broken bone just made it seem like he was slipping away. I was struck with an overwhelming fear that he was not going to make it to birth. This is the first week where I really felt fear gripping me that intensely and was having such a hard time letting that fear go. It seems everything we are doing right now is focused on his death instead of his life. It's so hard to prepare for the possibility of one and hope for the other.

The morning before our regular OB appointment ( two days after the specialist) I was just having such a hard time with the fear and just overwhelmed by all the things we had to do and the decisions we had to make. This OB appointment seemed so important because it was were we were hoping to get some answers about possibilities of future monitoring and delivery decisions. A friend of mine shared a verse with me she came across in a quiet time on New Years Eve.

" You will not leave in a hurry, running for your lives. For the Lord will go ahead of you; yes, the God of Israel will protect you from behind." Isaiah 52: 12

What a great reminder to me of our wonderful God. It is foolish for me to worry about what lies ahead - God is there waiting for me already. If I truly trust in Him and in His love for me, I have no reason to fear - for whatever happens God has gone ahead of me - His way prevails - His way is always better than mine no matter how hard that is to swallow at times. I also often fear looking back and regretting doing or not doing something right for Cohen - again how foolish, God not only goes before me but also protects me from behind. He is my protector from all angles.

God went ahead of us. Our OB heard us well and immediately suggested to start weekly monitoring with the ultrasound so we can make informed decisions and get to see him more often. She didn't make us feel unreasonable for wanting this and we were grateful for that. We also had a good discussion about the c-section and rather or not that was still the best route. She really feels like it is and after a lot of praying and talking about it so do we. We go back next Monday( at 32 weeks) and will start going weekly after that. My due date is March 24th and we have the c-section scheduled right now for the 21st. That place will be held until or if we decided to move it up based on monitoring.

Also, thanks to another friend, Chris and I were able to get our on Friday and get started on a lot of the "things" we needed to do. While all of the "things" aren't pleasant, it definitely lowers my stress level about our overwhelming to do list to at least get started.

Specific Prayer Requests:
- That God would heal Cohen and if not that we would get at least some time with him at birth
- That Cohen's arm would heal well and that he would not have anymore fractures.
- That my fears will not overtake me
- God's protection over us in all of this
- That as Chris and I are having to do a lot of the planning stages of things for when Cohen is born and for if he dies that we
would still be able to focus on the life and time God has already given us and is giving to us now with Cohen
- For our family as they deal with all of this as well and are not in town with us
- For our friends - praise God for them and that God would also protect them as they so selflessly lay themselves down for us right now

Birthday Party

Cort had a blast at his birthday party. Our Camera seems to be on the outs so I didn't get a lot of great pictures - plus I tried to just enjoy the party and not get too caught up in pictures. Glad I did but wish I had some more pics of him with all of his little friends.

We were able to use a bounce house for free and kids loved it!!! We let Cort jump in it a little before the party and he had a blast. He loved having all of his grandparents and his Mommy and Daddy in there with him at one time!!




We had a cars and trucks themed birthday party and Cort loved it. I made his cake again this year. I really like doing it - it's fun.
Cort enjoyed his cake(but wanted to eat it with a fork)!



Trying to blow out his candles....

Eating the cake.......


He loved opening his presents but didn't want other kids to help. Mommy and Daddy weren't too pleased with this but I guess it was a little appropriate to bring in the 2's!!! :)
He also loved all of his balloons. A few out of town friends stayed for dinner and Cort and Nicolas had a blast trying to grab the balloons before they hit the ceiling!!

Birthday Boy

Cort's birthday fell on a Friday this year, which was fun because Chris has Friday's off. We started off the day blasting, Happy Birthday, by the Beatles, and making pancakes. We went ahead and put up some of his Car party decorations and he loved it!! Cort had a fun day playing with Daddy while Mommy prepared for this party!!


We let him open up his presents from us when he got up from his nap. He really remembered how to go to it from Christmas and had a blast opening them up ( the car and train wrapping paper helped!!!!)


That night we went to Chuck E. Cheese's. Cort had a blast with all of the games.






He enjoyed a cupcake when we got home. He tried really hard to blow out the candles but wasn't quite strong enough too. He took one bit of the cupcake and then asked for a fork. He ate the whole rest of his cupcake with a fork- silly boy!!!!

2 Years Old

My little boy is 2!! I really just can't believe how quickly time has flown. This year, even more than the 1st year has just gone by so fast!! I feel like he just turned one a few months ago!
I adore him. That's the only way I know to say. He is such a joy and a blessing to us every single day.He is such a sweet, spunky, and full-of-life little boy. I love it when I get a chance to watch him play without him knowing I am there. I just like to soak up every second of him encountering the world.
When I think back to a year ago, it amazes me to see how much he has changed. At his 1 year birthday he was barely trying to take steps, said probably 10-15 words, and was so dependent on us for everything still. Now he runs, speaks more words than I could ever count, and does new things on his own everyday!!!
He's a little chatter box now - always having something to say through out the day. He has started using 3-4 word sentences now. Some of my favorite little things he says are concept things....like how he uses the word or phrases, too, far away, up high, dark, etc. appropriately. I love that he answers yes no questions. This is definitely one of my favorite milestones. He started doing it a few months ago and it opened up a whole new world of communication. It melts my heart when he asks me to sing or to hold him. I love how he talks about friends and family now without being prompted. Almost everyday I am amazed by the connections he'll make between things and/or people.
He is really into letters, counting, and colors. He doesn't know them all but is getting started. He will count along with me to some degree up to about 6 or 7. He mainly knows what number come after another one. He is starting to get colors and does pretty well sorting them or picking them out. Blue is his favorite so it's the go to if he isn't sure. He randomly knows certain letters but nothing to concrete. That doesn't stop him though - he loves to at least pretend to name all of the letters he sees when we are out and about.
His favorite activities are playing with his cars, trains, animals, doing puzzles, crafts, books, and running around outside. He is obsessed with cars. He plays with them in every way possible. I love how excited he gets and exclaims, "Ohhhh, Cars!!!" when ever he sees them. He is really into crafts - all of it....coloring, painting, play-doh, stickers, etc. He is getting really good about actually trying to color in things instead of just scribbling on the page. He is so active. He loves to run around, roughhouse with Chris, dance, etc. If it's movement, he loves it. He is trying to jump now and occasionally get air.
He's a pretty typical toddler when it comes to eating. Some days he eats great and some days he eats nothing!! He takes an afternoon nap everyday for 1 1/2 to 2 hours. He sleeps from about 7pm-7am give or take about 30 minutes. For the most part he is a pretty compliant child but he definitely throws his share of tantrums. He's pretty dramatic and can turn on the tears instantly. He gets the most upset when he gets frustrated about something not going right ( ie. his toys falling over, not working right, etc.) He can be very particular about how he wants to play with things and lets you know right away if you aren't doing it right. He has the "yes ma'am's" down ( even to Chris ;)) and often tries to get out of discipline by repeating it over and over. (really cute but it doesn't work!)
We aren't potty training yet but he is def. starting to show at least some signs of readiness. He'll tell us when he has poo poo or needs to go but it's not always really reliable and is starting to get the concept of dry and wet. He'll sit on the potty sometimes and even go but he prefers not to sit on it with his clothes off so it sort of defeats the purpose. I'm not sure when we will really start trying.
This year has brought on so much change - I love watching him learn and grow every day!!!!

Doctors appt. info:
Height: 34inches(45%)
Weight: 21lbs 2 oz( below the 3rd%)
We think his weight is a little higher but had lost some from being so sick the week before. We'll take him back in a few months to see if it's at least gone up a little bit but we aren't too concerned because he has always followed that trend. He did great at the doctor's and didn't even fuss to have his finger pricked!!!

The chair picture attempts( he doesn't pose for anything now):

Christmas

I apologize for it taking so long to get Christmas pictures up. Cort and I came down with a nasty upper respiratory infection the Sunday after Christmas and have been sick all week. Cort ended up with an ear infection and a mild case of pneumonia as well!! We are finally slowly starting to feel better!!!

We went home to visit family for 6 days so we saw lots of people and had several Christmas get togethers. Cort enjoyed being with everyone and did great sleeping away from home!!!

We had Christmas morning at Chris' parents house. When he woke up in the morning, we bought him into bed with us and sang Happy Birthday to Jesus and read one of his Nativity books. Cort seemed a little overwhelmed by all the gift giving festivities but enjoyed his new toys.


His train set was a big hit. As was his alphabet puzzles and garbage truck!!! He loved pulling out all the little surprises inside his stocking.




Cort enjoyed Christmas lunch at GG's and Great Granddaddy's - though they may have had more to do with the cookies and little cake that GG slipped him instead of the lunch itself!!!

We had Christmas with my grandparents that night and my parents the following morning. By then, Cort had really gotten the hand of the present opening and really enjoyed ripping into the paper. As he would open each box he would say, "Oooooo, Choo, Choo." I guest the train gifts were some of his favorites!! :)




Chilling out after a long day on Christmas



Overall, Christmas was pretty good for us. It was good to see family and we had a great time with Cort. I had a really hard day Christmas Eve - not due to any happenings - just a hard day. It was strange to be doing Christmas with such a different air than we expected. As always, there is this strangeness for us to do these normal, happy things in the midst of such uncertainty and fear. We pray for it - for some normalcy - to not miss out on today - to enjoy all the blessings God has given us in the here and now - We pray for it - and God has been good to answer us at least to some extent on so many occasions - but still there is Cohen - this little boy I feel kick in my body and every time I do, I wonder if I'll ever get to know him. There is no separation from it for us and I guess that is what we're trying to figure out how to live in. I pray I can give my fears to God daily - I am not sure I am doing it but I try. But we had a good Christmas - just different from our normal expectations. Thankfully, we have a God that is unchanging. He is never different.

Lights at the Zoo

We went to the lights at the zoo the Saturday before Christmas with both sets of grandparents and with Aunt Chelle, Uncle Chad, and Chandler. Cort really enjoyed it. It was great weather and a good kick off to the Christmas festivities. One of the best parts for Cort was getting to watch a really train go by as we sat in the back of the car eating dinner before going in and that there was a real train passing when we left too!!!

Cort and Chandler enjoy shoulder rides with their Dads

With Daddy

With Mommy

Grandmommy and Granddaddy

Grammie, Papa, and Grandmommy